Coaching HeartTalk

Ending the Struggle

I always surprise myself when I (re)learn something I already knew. 

Playing with my new business Facebook ‘page’, I begin to define and refine what I am about as a coach, as a person.  

For years, I allowed myself to struggle with how to ‘brand’ myself in my business. I say ‘allowed myself‘ because it didn’t have to be a struggle. Clearly I chose ‘struggle’.  Or maybe I was just evolving - slowly :)  I wondered why it’s so easy for others; so hard for me (maybe I made it hard?  ouch.) 

A good friend, Jeannie Campanelli is the The Inner Confidence Coach.  I admire her ability and commitment to reach into her heart and soul, see clearly and define her path in service of others.  She tells me that I try too hard to be perfect. (she’s right of course).  Or another coach friend, Thea Sheldon, The Prime of Life Coach (who was my own coach for a few years and whose website reflects the wonderful, wise and adventurous woman she is), is also clear about who she is and the service she provides.

Both of them and many others I have observed, have been successful by tapping into their own core values and life experiences - the very thing I encourage others I coach to do.  Except I forget how to do it for myself.  ‘The cobbler and her shoes’ perhaps?

I finally, finally listen to myself and realize that I know deep down that my path is helping others find theirs. It’s that simple, that easy. I know that because of how long it took me to see and believe in my own.  And I know the peace and joy that comes from having powerfully chosen, as Thea used to remind me ‘to do it my way’.

So if you noticed the two-year hiatus in writing in my blog, know that was the period of ‘struggle’ or the time of resistance, or the fallow time, where everything evolved as it was meant to.  I’ve got my mojo and my inspiration back. It feels awesome.

A question or three for you.  What do you know about your own path of discovery? What is possible if you just let it happen in its own good time? What are you making hard that you could make easy?

 

Letting your heart show

This morning at the gym, after a giddy afternoon and evening all across Canada, I watched a short tribute by Stephen Brunt, a Canadian sports journalist, summing up the amazing spirit that fueled our collective consciousness these past two Olympic weeks.  You can watch it on utube at:  Stephen Brunt

One phrase he said near the end, resonated for me.  With deep feeling he said:  “Admit it.  It feels good to let your heart show.”

Yes - it feels good.  How often do we, as Canadians in particular, but as human beings in general, hide from letting our hearts show?  How much of ourselves do we cover up out of fear, or politeness, or modesty, or false beliefs, or dozens of other reasons?  What are we afraid of?  That our hearts will burst if we allow them to expand?  That our carefully crafted defenses will be broken down if we show up as who we are, and do what we are capable of?  That we will be seen in our own magnificence?

The Olympians gave their all in every moment.  They wore their hearts proudly as they should.  Let us all revel in the spirit of the last two weeks, the excitement, the enthusiasm, the excellence, the heartbreak, and the victories.  Let us feel.   We must let our hearts show so we can participate in our lives to our fullest possible potential!

It does feel good!

Speaking One's Truth

A client today was struggling with the need, but also the difficulty, of ‘speaking her truth’to someone in her family.  What I mean by that is saying clearly, assertively and at the same time compassionately, what is important for her, without hurting the other, nor worrying about the possible reaction.  My take on it is, that by not doing so, she cheats them both, and complicates the relationship in the future.

Speaking one’s truth is liberating, and sadly rare.  I googled ‘speaking one’s truth’ and discovered that many people talk about how valuable and important it is to do so.  A number of blogs have written thoughtfully on this topic.  See: http://innerself.com/Reflections/speaking.htm (Marie T. Russell) and http://www.planetpinkngreen.com/speaking-your-truth-is-sexy-and-totally-organic/ (Cheryl Janis)

I have always admired people who say what they mean and mean what they say.  Who tell it ‘like it is’.  When we don’t speak our truth, what are we speaking?  A lie?  A partial truth?  What does it take to speak one’s truth? At the very least, courage, compassion, a heartfelt desire for connection or to change the way things are.  

Truth, according to the Stanfield Encyclopedia of Philosophy, is actually one of the central, and largest subjects in philosophy.  However, without getting too philosophical, truth-telling is, or should be, central to politics, leadership, teaching, parenting, relationships of all kinds, and to one’s own sense of self.

When we speak our truth, we are speaking from our heart, from our core. When we don’t, we give a false picture of who we are, and negate our authenticity.

How hard, or easy, is it for you to speak your truth?

When you do, what is the impact of that?

When you don’t, what is the impact of that?

On a Roll

I love when I feel like I am “on a roll”.  I have lots of energy, I am productive, I feel great. 

That’s how it is these days - when work is abundant, the air is crisp and I feel exceptionally more optimistic and grateful for my career and life.

What brings on all this goodness?

Is it the weather? (unusually pleasant here in Eastern Ontario, i.e. not damp & cold) in early November?  

Is it that I just started working with four new clients, and I am always energized and excited about the possibilities for them?  

Is it that I gave a presentation on Managing Time (translation: managing oneself!) last week and came back determined to follow my own tips and techniques?  And am! 

Is it that I refuse to let the economic doom and gloom penetrate my optimism and positive feelings about life?

Or is it just that I am on a roll, in the flow, and the more I feel that way, the more I accomplish, and the more good things come my way.

Do you notice when you are on a roll?  What makes you feel positive and energized?

How do you maintain your optimism in the face of setbacks?  What do you  need to do (better yet, who do you need to be?) to get yourself ‘on a roll’?  

Trying as a Path to Commitment

When I encourage clients to take certain actions that we both know will help them achieve a goal they have set, and they respond by saying, “I’ll try”, my response is always a compassionate and firm, “Sorry - trying doesn’t cut it - what will you do?”  I say that because I know my clients don’t want me to let them get away with being ‘wishy-washy’.

However, I received a different  perspective on trying a few weeks ago. I was listening to a radio interview with a candidate (David Page) who was running in our recent Canadian federal election (against an incumbent Cabinet Minister who was subsequently re-elected).

David Page ran as an independent on basically one issue only - one he feels passionately about, namely the need to seriously address climate change.   He had few campaign funds nor a large coterie of supporters - just one close friend who supported him and accompanied him on his travels.  See column by Ron Corbett in the Ottawa Sun.     

David Page stood on street corners, spoke to whomever would engage with him to hear about this important issue, and handed out his MySpace address.  And when the interviewer asked him why he was doing this, he responded with emotion, saying,  “because, without trying, there is only despair”. 

I was touched by his vulnerability, his passion, his courage, his determination, and his message of hope and caring.

I think now it IS important to try, especially when it is something you want because you believe deeply in it, or because it honours yours values.

What do you think about trying?  Is it important?  Is it enough by itself?  Does not trying lead to despair?  Does trying have its own rewards? 

Where do you stand on ‘trying’ and on committing to your beliefs and passions?

A Perspective on Multi-Tasking

A short article about multitasking in our newspaper yesterday morning by columnist Harvey Schachter got me thinking. (Actually, Harvey was referencing a blogpost he saw on Tools for Thought, and although I didn’t locate the exact reference, I found this blog by Andre Kibbe worth checking out.

Anyway, about multi-tasking.  I used to pride myself on my ability to multi-task - read several books at once, carry out numerous projects at work, answer questions of my staff or colleagues when I was a manager, or cook dinner, listen to the radio, answer questions from the kids, and talk to a good friend on the phone at the same time. 

However, what I called multi-tasking then or now, is practically boring compared to what young people appear to be able to do all at the same time - homework with the tv on, ipod blaring, texting, doodling, and who knows what else? 

And you know what?  When I am doing two or more things at once, how well am I doing them?  Not well.  Am I burning the dinner? Probably.  Am I really listening to my friend? I mean really listening.  The truth is no, I’m not.  Listening means giving someone your full attention. How can I be doing that when I am doing something else?

I do admire my husband’s ability to focus on one task at a time - even though I do pretend to be frustrated when I ask a question and response is the, by now, predictable “don’t bother me, I’m reading the paper”, or ‘I’m a sequential processor, and I’ll get to that when I finish this.” Guess what.  He is a person who successfully does one thing at a time and does it well. 

How well do I do what I’m doing when I’m doing too much at once? 

How effective could I be if I just focussed on the task at hand? Then the next one, and the next one.

What about you?  Are you a ‘sequential processor’  or a ‘do-it-all-at-the-same-time’ type like me.  What works for you?  What could work better?

The Inevitability of Change

It’s a truism that change is the norm....yes, even inevitable.  I thought of that today while driving between Syracuse and the Canadian border, aware of how the landscape had changed dramatically in only a few days.  I took the same route a few days ago in the opposite direction and there was only a hint of fall, with little spurts of orange peeking through the green of the trees.  Today there was bright red, lots of orange, some yellow.  And it was very chilly this morning!!

I won’t say much about how much had changed dramatically over the past week, save to mention, if this post lives on, that last week was the week of stunning changes in the economic landscape in the U.S., and spill-offs only beginning to be felt across that country, my country, and around the world.

One day everything is green, and a few days later, nothing is the same.  And those of us who live in northern climes, know that the leaves will soon fall, and it will snow.  It’s inevitable.  And after a time, spring will come, with new growth and new possibilities.

So all kinds of questions come to mind.

How do you react to change?
To the inevitability of change?
To the suddenness of change?

Do you prepare?  How do you accept it?  How do you adapt to it?  How does it call on your leadership? Your creativity? 

What are your anchors? How do you ground yourself?
How do you lead others in a time of change?
How do you lead yourself?

If you care to comment, I would like to know how you integrate change into your leadership and your
life.

Power On/Power Off

There’s a message in everything if we choose to be curious about it.


Today the power went off just as I was writing something oh so important....though now I can’t recall what it was.  Hmnn, how important was it then?

So no phones, except my cell-phone, no computer, no electric lights for about 15 minutes!  But the sun was shining so I walked down to the corner to ask the hydro guys what was up.  And they kindly explained that they were doing some work that required them not to have a live connection!

And sure enough the power went on again ... for about an hour, until it went off again for a moment, just as they had advised it would.

Power on/power off/power on.....sort of mirrors how I’ve been feeling this week.  Just getting back in the swing of the new year (the learner in me always feels that September is the true new year!)... motivated some moments to ratchet up my business in the months ahead, and other moments, wanting to go back to vacation mode.  

Do you notice your power is back on in September?  Full-time...or just intermittently?  Are you patient when it disappears? Or angry and annoyed?  (whew, thank goodness I was patient this time - I’d hate to have to confess to being annoyed!)

What do you need to do to be “powered on” for all the hours you want to be working, doing, producing, creating, etc.  When do you need to “power off”?

Personal Best

Never an athlete nor sports fan, I find myself this summer absorbed in watching amazing athletes - first the Tour de France, and now the Olympics. Fascinated by the demonstration of courage, determination, perseverance, and just plain beauty in the human body stretched to its capacity. Strong, vibrant, young women and men striving for a medal and/or their personal best.

What does it take to make that kind of commitment? To dream, to train, to give your all? Day after day, year after year. To weather the disappointments, and keep the dream alive. To perform for thousands and millions of people while maintaining phenomenal focus and concentration.

And how huge must be the joy and heart-filling satisfaction when that personal best is achieved!

I cannot imagine doing that with my body ... but I do try to do that with my mind. In everything I tackle, I try to do it well, to the best of my ability. I learn all I can, and give my all, to be the best coach for my clients. When I write, I take pride in putting my best foot forward, making sure that what I intended to say will be heard that way by the reader. When I speak to people, I try to be kind and sensitive to their needs. Am I always? No.. but aiming for my personal best, I achieve it more times than not.

How about you? How does “personal best” show up in your life? In your career? At home? In everything you do?

What’s possible when you strive for your personal best?

Back to Overwhelm?

Wow! One minute I’m coasting along, and the next I’m almost at overwhelm. How did I get from there to here? Could it be because I am going away in a few days, and all of a sudden there isn’t mañana, the Mexican term for tomorrow?

(Mind you when I Googled the word to be sure I was correct about it’s meaning, I found a great explanation in an easy reading, informative article by Shep Lencheck, who moved to Mexico and learned that “The secret of living here happily is to adopt the Mexican time-frame. When you do, you will find yourself free from deadlines, unafraid to postpone things or be late for appointments.”.... you can read it at www.mexconnect.com/mex_travel/slenchek/slmanana.html

But I digress... this was supposed to be about me. No no, I meant, about you!

How are you at getting things done, not procrastinating, ticking off the to do list?
How are you at just coasting... and smelling the flowers?
How are you at balancing smelling the flowers with getting things done?

I’d love to hear your answers in my Comments Section. Meanwhile, I’m off-site for a couple of weeks to an Irish castle for our son’s wedding to his Irish bride! I’ll be checking in to my blog and if not too much smelling the flowers, maybe writing a blog post or two. Or maybe... mañana.