Coaching HeartTalk

Head vs. Heart

Every week I am on a call with a group of coaches with whom I took The Coaches Training Institute’s Coactive Space Leadership Program - http://www.thecoaches.com/leadership/ - a powerful, experiential 10-month program that we shared together eight years ago.

We have wonderful conversations and coach each other about issues we are dealing with personally and professionally.  We learn so much from these conversations, as well as support one another through life’s ups and downs, its challenges and joys.

This morning we were helping one of our group think through a decision she was trying to make.  Our questions and discussion really focussed on what the heart knows that the head is often arguing with.  How much easier is it to decide something when we get in touch with our heart where our truth resides?  So much less struggle.  So much more clarity.  So much more movement forward.

To me the heart and/or gut are the place of ‘inner knowing’, the place that has no time or space for the inner voices in my head.  I just know.  If only I would touch that place (literally or figuratively) whenever I have a decision to make, I know (because I just know) I would make it with ease and flow, and it would be right.

When you struggle with decisions, which part of you is running the show? Is it your head or your heart or gut?  Are you aware of the difference? 

Next time you have a decision to make and catch yourself in the head game, touch that place in you that just knows and see how easy it can be.

When "True Self" Shines

I just watched it again.  Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent.  And teared up again.  I think that would happen no matter how many times I watch it. My heart is full.  Full of admiration, joy, inspiration, full of the music, full of her brilliance.  

Full of the knowing that in each of us there resides our own gift to the world, if only we would walk out there, stand confidently in our knowing, and open our mouths to let it out for the world to enjoy and embrace.

It happened when I watched Paul Potts, another seemingly unlikely star with a brilliant singing voice,who won this contest a year or two ago, similarly stunning the judges, the audience and the world.  I just watched him again on a You Tube clip, and teared up again.

And I ask you, so you can ask yourselves:

Am I letting my true self shine?

How am I hiding my light, my gifts?  What am I cheating the world of?

With Susan Boyle and Paul Potts as inspiration, what is possible for me now?

Honouring Values

As a coach, I have the privilege of helping clients become aware of what is truly important to them.  Each of us has our own set of values that guide how how we act and often how we react.  I am often reminded of that when a client is upset about a situation.  When we talk about that situation and the clients’ feelings, and probe beneath the surface, we usually find that the anger, hurt or upset is due to a value ‘being stomped on’.  

For example, a client of mine was recently troubled by an incident at work in which she felt her contribution was ignored.  When we probed under the surface, what came out was that she didn’t feel respected, and I was able to remind her that ‘respect’ is a high value of hers.  She respects others for who they are, for what they contribute, and expects, in facts, needs the same in return.  

The simple awareness of this enabled her to breathe out her frustration and move on.

Often the  value has not been articulated, but it can be unearthed by taking a look at anger or frustration or hurt, and ask what’s underneath that?  What value is being stomped on, is not being honoured?

Can you identify a time when the heart of your hurt was a value stomped on, or not honoured?

How did recognizing that help move you forward?

Marcia Dorfman, MSOD, CPCC, coaches for the love of it - for the sheer joy of witnessing successful women and men re-discover their inner truths and the paths they are meant to take, tap into into their strengths, move forward with confidence, and make powerful choices in work and life. To learn more about Marcia, and decide if she is the coach for you, please visit her website

© Marcia Dorfman, One on One Coaching Inc., and www.coachinghearttalk.com 2009.  

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Perseverance in the Face of Frustration

I have always admired people who quietly persevere in the face of frustration. I think they are truly the successful ones in life.  They are successful because by persevering, they ultimately achieve their goals, and - bonus - they reduce stress and anxiety.

I thought of this today as I tried to deal with some technical computer related issues.  (Normally that’s guaranteed frustration, stress and anxiety for me!) Some emails have been bouncing that I sent to a former client I have written to for years; it appeared her company now has a new and very aggressive spam filter. Good for them. Except my emails aren’t going through.  I had to negotiate with my internet provider who said it was the fault of my host, and my host who said it was the fault of my internet provider.  I felt like a bouncing ball - and what’s more I just didn’t get it.

Fortunately my son is a computer programmer and patiently explained to me how this whole thing was happening and why, such that I was able to calmly call the Internet Provider again and explain, patiently, how I understood the problem. No doubt my calmness and lack of frustration helped her see the light, and she is going to fix it!  

A small event in my day, and so much learning when I stop to reflect (fortunately it’s Saturday, and I’m not rushing to the next meeting or phone call or email).  

I learned that:

When I slow down, I can deal with frustration better.

Frustration does not solve the problem and in fact delays a solution.

If am frustrated, I only cause myself and anyone nearby stress and anxiety.

When I stay calm and take my time, one step at a time, lo and behold, the solution emerges!

Anything there resonate for you?