Coaching HeartTalk

Letting your heart show

This morning at the gym, after a giddy afternoon and evening all across Canada, I watched a short tribute by Stephen Brunt, a Canadian sports journalist, summing up the amazing spirit that fueled our collective consciousness these past two Olympic weeks.  You can watch it on utube at:  Stephen Brunt

One phrase he said near the end, resonated for me.  With deep feeling he said:  “Admit it.  It feels good to let your heart show.”

Yes - it feels good.  How often do we, as Canadians in particular, but as human beings in general, hide from letting our hearts show?  How much of ourselves do we cover up out of fear, or politeness, or modesty, or false beliefs, or dozens of other reasons?  What are we afraid of?  That our hearts will burst if we allow them to expand?  That our carefully crafted defenses will be broken down if we show up as who we are, and do what we are capable of?  That we will be seen in our own magnificence?

The Olympians gave their all in every moment.  They wore their hearts proudly as they should.  Let us all revel in the spirit of the last two weeks, the excitement, the enthusiasm, the excellence, the heartbreak, and the victories.  Let us feel.   We must let our hearts show so we can participate in our lives to our fullest possible potential!

It does feel good!

Connecting with Self

Sometimes the obvious is in front of our own face, and we can’t see it for looking!  It’s true for my clients; and more often than not, it’s true for me. 

It takes my own coach - the wonderful, insightful, and wise Shahmeen Sadiq (Anjali Leadership), to point out the (sometimes not-so) obvious to me.  As she does frequently.  As she did today.  

As part of my continuing quest to create a ‘platform’ from which to let my potential clients know who I am, what I stand for, and what I offer them, my coach pointed out what she knows to be my unique gift - connecting deeply with others so they can connect with themselves.  

Funny - I often tell people my middle name is “connection”…..because I love connecting with people - my clients, my friends, everyone I meet!  And I value those connections, and nurture them, because they jazz me, inspire me, warm my heart.

I am amused to look at the question I posed in my posting last May, that bears repeating now:

When were you aware of not paying attention to the messages your heart offered you?

I guess I’m aware now! My heart is telling me I know how to connect from the heart.  People - especially young (35-45) professional women and men (the peeps  who most inspire me!) - yearn for that connection, whether they are aware of it or not.  On a 24-7 treadmill to succeed, meet their own and others’ expectations, be all things to all people all the time, they and their dreams and desires often get lost in the process. 

Connecting with our own truth - what’s in our own heart - is one of the most free-ing, enlightening and powerful experiences we can give ourselves.  And everyone else we connect with!  So ask yourself:

What is your heart telling you now?
What is the connection you yearn to make?

Listening to My Heart

It’s a long time since I’ve written on my blog.  Not sure I can explain why I haven’t, nor why I am finally doing so today, but hope you’re glad I’m back.  It’s something about listening to the wisdom in my own heart.  Funny how the ‘teacher’ teaches what she has to learn.

What I do know is that I have my own process…. And that if I allow things to evolve, they will.  Forcing never works.  So the past number of months have been about ‘just being’, and enjoying life, while my subconscious works away in the realm of deeper knowledge and awareness than is on the surface.

I know that it is time again to step out into the world in this way.  Time to participate, not just read, listen and watch.  How I know that is by how moved I am, as are all of you I’m sure, by the horrors in Haiti.  My heart is deeply touched by the devastation that is almost impossible to comprehend, the widespread suffering, the generosity of those who contribute financially because we can and so far it’s all we feel we can do -- and more so by those who go to help because they have the skills, the resources, the compassion to serve in this long hour of need - whether they are medical personnel, soldiers, journalists, family members, friends or strangers. 

I also think about what lies ahead - for the saved and the saviours - all of whom are no doubt traumatized in ways yet to be revealed.  And yet I know the human spirit is tremendously resilient and resourceful and believe that, out of the horror, has come humanity; out of the devastation, a future will emerge; kindness and compassion along with concrete assistance, will alleviate the pain and suffering.

What does your heart know?  Are you listening?

Heart Intelligence

I’ve been reading a fascinating book called The HeartMath Solution, by Doc Childre and  Howard Martin of The HeartMath Institute (www.heartmath.org - a nonprofit research and education organization dedicated to heart-based living).  By that - i.e. heart-based living - they mean “people relying on the intelligence of their hearts in concert with their minds to conduct their lives at home, school, work and play.”

The Institute has found that the heart has its own intelligence and by learning to listen to and follow our heart intelligence, we create a ‘coherence’ with our brain, resulting in greater, clarity, creativity, and richer emotional experiences.

The Institute offers a number of techniques to create and enhance that heart-brain coherence.  When we apply them, we are able to deepen our heart qualities of wisdom, compassion, strength and joy and increase our intuitive, creative and heart-centered aspects.

More importantly, because the heart’s wisdom is so quickly accessible, it saves a great deal of agonizing and analyzing, cutting through quickly to the ‘heart’ of the matter.  We often recognize this ‘heart intelligence’ as intuition. What HeartMath does is scientifically explain how this works and how one can actively engage the wisdom of the heart.

This week, I paid attention to the wisdom/knowledge in my own heart, by not stressing over something I would have stressed over in the past, ‘knowing’ somewhere deep inside, that the cause of what would have resulted in my being stressed was going to evaporate. And it did.  As a result, I saved myself agonizing and a ton of what would have been unnecessary work.  I intend to tap into this more often!

Are you aware of listening to the wisdom in your heart?

What happens when you do?

What happens when you don’t?

What would it be like to choose to pay attention to what your heart knows?  What would it give you? 

How would your leadership be enhanced by paying attention to your heart intelligence?

Heart Talk

For some time I have struggled with defining my niche, my personal message to the world (a.k.a. my blog readers, clients, potential clients, friends and family, and… you!).  Several close friends and coaches have encouraged me for years in the direction of ‘heart’ messages.  I listened, but didn’t really pay attention, or if I did, absorb the significance -- except when I named this blog Coaching HeartTalk.  

Well, something was at work when I thought that name up!  In fact, the name came to me when I brainstormed with myself a number of possible titles, and this is the one that resonated.  And the tag line I created, as you can plainly see, is “Listening to the wisdom in your heart”.

However, while you may have all seen that, I am perhaps the only one who didn’t!!  Duh.  Until recently, when I decided that I really do have something to say about listening to one’s heart.  And just to be sure I got the message, my heart reminded me, with a little jolt a few weeks ago.  If you know me (or even if you don’t), don’t worry. I’m fine.  And I got the message.  My former coach called it a “cosmic joke”, meaning that the Universe just wanted to be sure I “got it”.

So suddenly I am excited about the possibilities there for me - and you - as I more consciously and intentionally write about how one can live and lead their lives, and others, from heart.  And pay attention to our heart.  And listen to its wisdom.

I started surfing the net and am discovering others are ahead of me, but not that many.  And anyway, there is room for us all.

So today the coaching questions would be:

When were you aware of listening to your heart?

When were you aware of not paying attention to the messages your heart offered you?

What is possible when you get in touch with that amazing source of information?

More….much more to come, about ‘listening to the wisdom in your heart”.

Speaking One's Truth

A client today was struggling with the need, but also the difficulty, of ‘speaking her truth’to someone in her family.  What I mean by that is saying clearly, assertively and at the same time compassionately, what is important for her, without hurting the other, nor worrying about the possible reaction.  My take on it is, that by not doing so, she cheats them both, and complicates the relationship in the future.

Speaking one’s truth is liberating, and sadly rare.  I googled ‘speaking one’s truth’ and discovered that many people talk about how valuable and important it is to do so.  A number of blogs have written thoughtfully on this topic.  See: http://innerself.com/Reflections/speaking.htm (Marie T. Russell) and http://www.planetpinkngreen.com/speaking-your-truth-is-sexy-and-totally-organic/ (Cheryl Janis)

I have always admired people who say what they mean and mean what they say.  Who tell it ‘like it is’.  When we don’t speak our truth, what are we speaking?  A lie?  A partial truth?  What does it take to speak one’s truth? At the very least, courage, compassion, a heartfelt desire for connection or to change the way things are.  

Truth, according to the Stanfield Encyclopedia of Philosophy, is actually one of the central, and largest subjects in philosophy.  However, without getting too philosophical, truth-telling is, or should be, central to politics, leadership, teaching, parenting, relationships of all kinds, and to one’s own sense of self.

When we speak our truth, we are speaking from our heart, from our core. When we don’t, we give a false picture of who we are, and negate our authenticity.

How hard, or easy, is it for you to speak your truth?

When you do, what is the impact of that?

When you don’t, what is the impact of that?

Head vs. Heart

Every week I am on a call with a group of coaches with whom I took The Coaches Training Institute’s Coactive Space Leadership Program - http://www.thecoaches.com/leadership/ - a powerful, experiential 10-month program that we shared together eight years ago.

We have wonderful conversations and coach each other about issues we are dealing with personally and professionally.  We learn so much from these conversations, as well as support one another through life’s ups and downs, its challenges and joys.

This morning we were helping one of our group think through a decision she was trying to make.  Our questions and discussion really focussed on what the heart knows that the head is often arguing with.  How much easier is it to decide something when we get in touch with our heart where our truth resides?  So much less struggle.  So much more clarity.  So much more movement forward.

To me the heart and/or gut are the place of ‘inner knowing’, the place that has no time or space for the inner voices in my head.  I just know.  If only I would touch that place (literally or figuratively) whenever I have a decision to make, I know (because I just know) I would make it with ease and flow, and it would be right.

When you struggle with decisions, which part of you is running the show? Is it your head or your heart or gut?  Are you aware of the difference? 

Next time you have a decision to make and catch yourself in the head game, touch that place in you that just knows and see how easy it can be.

When "True Self" Shines

I just watched it again.  Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent.  And teared up again.  I think that would happen no matter how many times I watch it. My heart is full.  Full of admiration, joy, inspiration, full of the music, full of her brilliance.  

Full of the knowing that in each of us there resides our own gift to the world, if only we would walk out there, stand confidently in our knowing, and open our mouths to let it out for the world to enjoy and embrace.

It happened when I watched Paul Potts, another seemingly unlikely star with a brilliant singing voice,who won this contest a year or two ago, similarly stunning the judges, the audience and the world.  I just watched him again on a You Tube clip, and teared up again.

And I ask you, so you can ask yourselves:

Am I letting my true self shine?

How am I hiding my light, my gifts?  What am I cheating the world of?

With Susan Boyle and Paul Potts as inspiration, what is possible for me now?

Honouring Values

As a coach, I have the privilege of helping clients become aware of what is truly important to them.  Each of us has our own set of values that guide how how we act and often how we react.  I am often reminded of that when a client is upset about a situation.  When we talk about that situation and the clients’ feelings, and probe beneath the surface, we usually find that the anger, hurt or upset is due to a value ‘being stomped on’.  

For example, a client of mine was recently troubled by an incident at work in which she felt her contribution was ignored.  When we probed under the surface, what came out was that she didn’t feel respected, and I was able to remind her that ‘respect’ is a high value of hers.  She respects others for who they are, for what they contribute, and expects, in facts, needs the same in return.  

The simple awareness of this enabled her to breathe out her frustration and move on.

Often the  value has not been articulated, but it can be unearthed by taking a look at anger or frustration or hurt, and ask what’s underneath that?  What value is being stomped on, is not being honoured?

Can you identify a time when the heart of your hurt was a value stomped on, or not honoured?

How did recognizing that help move you forward?

Marcia Dorfman, MSOD, CPCC, coaches for the love of it - for the sheer joy of witnessing successful women and men re-discover their inner truths and the paths they are meant to take, tap into into their strengths, move forward with confidence, and make powerful choices in work and life. To learn more about Marcia, and decide if she is the coach for you, please visit her website

© Marcia Dorfman, One on One Coaching Inc., and www.coachinghearttalk.com 2009.  

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Perseverance in the Face of Frustration

I have always admired people who quietly persevere in the face of frustration. I think they are truly the successful ones in life.  They are successful because by persevering, they ultimately achieve their goals, and - bonus - they reduce stress and anxiety.

I thought of this today as I tried to deal with some technical computer related issues.  (Normally that’s guaranteed frustration, stress and anxiety for me!) Some emails have been bouncing that I sent to a former client I have written to for years; it appeared her company now has a new and very aggressive spam filter. Good for them. Except my emails aren’t going through.  I had to negotiate with my internet provider who said it was the fault of my host, and my host who said it was the fault of my internet provider.  I felt like a bouncing ball - and what’s more I just didn’t get it.

Fortunately my son is a computer programmer and patiently explained to me how this whole thing was happening and why, such that I was able to calmly call the Internet Provider again and explain, patiently, how I understood the problem. No doubt my calmness and lack of frustration helped her see the light, and she is going to fix it!  

A small event in my day, and so much learning when I stop to reflect (fortunately it’s Saturday, and I’m not rushing to the next meeting or phone call or email).  

I learned that:

When I slow down, I can deal with frustration better.

Frustration does not solve the problem and in fact delays a solution.

If am frustrated, I only cause myself and anyone nearby stress and anxiety.

When I stay calm and take my time, one step at a time, lo and behold, the solution emerges!

Anything there resonate for you?